I consider myself a sexy woman. By day I am a model, by night, an exotic dancer. There are few things I love more than giving oral sex. I sleep naked, clean the house in lingerie, and fifty percent of the purpose of learning to speak French was so that I could talk dirty in bed en francais.
Since I was fourteen, my life has been dedicated in large part to the pursuit of sexiness. At that young age (years before I started having sex), I read books like “The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex,” “The Art of Seduction,” and even books on Kama Sutra.
As a disclaimer before you read any further into this article, my goal was not to be promiscuous or easy. It was important to me to have a truly “Sweet Sixteen” birthday, so I made the choice not to go all the way until I was seventeen years of age. I just really admired the women that I found beautiful, sensual, uninhibited, and even downright wildly sexy. My icons ranged from the raunchiness of Britney Spears to the sophisticated sensuality of Brigitte Bardot. I observed what I found attractive and sexy in celebrity and real life women alike, and I educated myself on the ins and outs of sex and how to amp up my appeal to both males and females. (Oh yes, did I mention I’m bisexual?)
So imagine my reaction when last night my boyfriend and I had a conversation about poor vision. We were discussing our mutually failing eyesight, and I mentioned that I should probably wear my reading glasses more often than I do, to which he replied that he thinks my glasses are sexy. Normal enough conversation, everyone knows that among the most common male fantasies are the ones involving glasses, sexy schoolgirls, and girl/girl action.
But he followed up his “I like when you wear glasses” comment with, “Because nerds are hot.”
Imagine the slap in the face to my years of dedication to perfecting my sex appeal! Now mind you, this lifetime dedication to sensuality is not for any boyfriend or girlfriend, but for myself. During the times that I am single, I am still the first in line at the Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale, and not just for basic bras and everyday panties, but for negligees, see through robes and embellished corsets. I find watching girl/girl or bondage porn extremely exciting. I have never in my adult life owned a pair of sweats. When most women get off work and pull on their comfy pj’s, my pajama wardrobe consists of knee high socks, boyshort panties and a crop top or lace bralette. I practice naked yoga. I set aside “me time” at least once a week to “reacquaint” myself with a sensuous massage followed by an intense self-administered orgasm in the tub, the shower, or in my bed. I either wear a thong or go commando under clothing, and any panties with more fabric than a g string is reserved for loungewear or pajamas only. I only refuse sex on the rarest occasions (massive hangover, “time of the month,” etc.) because it is an activity I genuinely and thoroughly appreciate. The first time I gave head it was to a guy several years older than me, to which he replied that I was the best he’d ever had. While most people have been complimented on their bedroom skills, myself included, without fail, each and every guy or girl that I’ve been with have commented that I give the best oral they’ve ever had. (I guess I’m just a natural. What can I say, I’m good at what I love.) I’ve experimented with more kinky subject matter than I care to list here, and there is really nothing “over the line” or “off limits” to me.
My point is, even with knowing all of the sexy skill sets I possess, my boyfriend chooses to state that “Nerds are hot.” It’s only offensive because it’s hilarious.
Let me clarify. When most men think of nerdy girls, these are the images that come to mind (or that pop up in google image searches for “Nerdy girls”):
These are not “nerds.” These are sluts in glasses, which any pretty girl with $6 in hand can achieve by strolling up to “Claire’s” in her local mall and buying non prescription frames, and BAM, she’s considered a “hot nerd.” This stereotype is precisely why I hate wearing my glasses which I actually need!
By comparison, these are nerds, really and truly:
Still think nerds are hot? I’m gonna go with no.
So what the fuck is the appeal of nerdiness? I’ve even seen glasses pop up in the strip club where I work as typical attire to wear while working the pole! Besides the current trend of a hipster-heavy culture that embraces irony and intelligence, the nerd has made a surprising comeback (can I call it a comeback if it was never really popular to begin with?) and is now even considered attractive.
Besides an infatuation with the feminine mystique, and wanting to emulate women I found sexy, my initial draw (around age 13) with wanting to appear sexy came from the fact that I was far from it. I was always bookish, was even made fun of in school for reading so much when I had finished my work and the other kids were just fucking around, I had unkempt eyebrows, freckles and frizzy hair, I was painfully shy and awkward, I had an overbite as a child that had to be corrected with a painfully invasive retainer, I started reading at 2 years of age, I loved collecting rocks, minerals, and dinosaur fossils, I wanted to be a scientist or a paleontologist, I loved taking things apart and putting them back together to see how they worked, I used to dissect insects for my bug collection, I found the company of my peers to be tiresome and non-intellectually stimulating so I always hung out with an older crowd, or the adults, I was a major teacher’s pet, Sunday school pet, any club or class, you name it and I was the teacher’s little favorite, because I typically knew most of the answers, asked questions, and had an impressive vocabulary. I even had a birthday party held at my local library, because all of the librarians knew me by name since I was in there so often. So yes, I would say I was a nerdy social outcast. And I worked hard to shed that image!
Now, some of those things are worth being proud of. I still hang out with those who are older than I am (I’m in my early twenties, most of my friends are around their late thirties), I still read voraciously, I am still fascinated by science and psychology, and I am still in love with the pursuit of learning. BUT, just because I’m not obsessed with comic books and other stereotypical “nerd” lore, just because I’ve never participated in LARPing, and just because I don’t actively attend every Comic-con, I am not conventionally considered a nerd, nor would I care to be. I am fashionable and sexual and therefore castigated against by my own boyfriend. I speak with an ironic sarcasm; however, it is extremely offensive when I have worked so hard to be so in touch with my femininity and sexuality to have it go unappreciated at times. It makes me want to walk up to any ratty haired, glasses wearing, brace faced girl in an “Avengers” T and frumpy jeans and sandals that showcase her grubby un-manicured toes, and say, “Let me introduce you to my boyfriend!” Sheesh.
*This article has been a product of sarcasm and frustrated venting. I love my boyfriend very much, and while I know he appreciates me, I hope some of my readers can see where I’m coming from and weigh in on the situation if you have feedback! -Vixen